Texas - Day One

It's been an eventful trip thus far. We came to see my brother Nicholas for his Basic Military Training (BMT) graduation. It ended up being my mom, dad and cruise director, I mean, Grandpa (Bum) coming on the trip. Oh, and me. I'm here too. And apparently I am in charge of smelling everyones farts, because that is what I have been doing the entire time. The next guy (or girl...not naming any names, MOM) who pops a whiffer in my direction is gonna git knocked OUT. This momma is not on vaca to be changing dirty drawers...that is why I left Tim and the kids at home. Not that Tim would ever poop his pants, but that is another story...just sayin'.

The flight(s) down were uneventful, other than the fact that my mother insists on flying with drugs because we will certainly die if she isn't medicated. By way of a dose of Xanax and cough drops (mountain menthol, the 70 pack) we arrived in tact. Whew.

It's cheap to stay on the base and I am all about cheap. 34.75 per night. Good deal, right? I suppose so, as long as you don't mind having a room that hasn't been cleaned. Garbage full, bed all messy, used cups and napkins with the heat cranked to 80 and the water running upon arrival. Beautiful. I wasn't about the jump in that cootie sack. We got a new room.

It was late and we were all cranky. A long day of flying and being off schedule and hadn't eaten since lunch at 11am. We decided to eat on the base since it was centrally located and we could make a speedy trip back to our beds. Over to Godfather's we went (not a lot to choose from between that, chow and a Burger King). It was around 8 and we ordered our pizza just in time for the fire alarms to go off. We were one bite deep in a breadstick when the buzzers were blaring. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" And they shoved us out the door. I sent my dad back in for dead to grab my wallet and glasses. We wouldn't want to be caught without my military ID since I was only invited to be the tour guide. We waited outside for about 20 minutes before they brough out our subpar pizza and complimentary two liter of Sprite. Well, I guess it was better than getting burned up.

We brought the pizza back to the hotel where we ate in the common area. We were so tired that we could hardly chew. Off to the rooms we went to turn in. At the base hotel, the rooms are joined by a bathroom. We lovingly call the person in the adjacent room our "piss mate". My mom prefers "potty partner" but she is overruled, as a general rule. I didn't think we had said piss mate, until I poked my head into the already opened door of his room and almost saw what the stork saw. I quickly closed the door and locked it. Apparently he wasn't briefed on proper piss mate etiquette. Close and lock your own damn door. The rest of us don't need an accidental showing of your goodies.

It had been a long day and I needed to relax. I ran a bath and hopped in. Said piss mate apparently had Mrs. piss mate in there with him, because soon after plopping in to soak, she started riding it, Daddy. OH YEAH. RIGHT THERE. UH, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH. Oh, piss mate! (just kidding...insert name there.) I figured she'd be needing to use the bathroom before long, so I bolted like a bat out of hell. So much for relaxation.

It's a MUST read...

I received this via e-mail. Couldn't be more accurate.


There are two families: "Joe Legal and Joshua Illegal"
Both families have two parents, two children and live in Arizona.

Joe Legal works in construction, has a Social Security Number and makres $25 per hour with taxes deducted.

Joshua Illegal also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number, and gets paid $15 cash "under the table".

Ready? NOW PAY ATTENTION .


Joe Legal: $25 per hour x 40 hours = $1000 per week or $52,000 per year.
Now take 30% away for state and federal tax: Joe Legal now has $31,231

Joshua Illegal: $15 per hour x 40 hours = $600 per week or $31,200 per year.
Joshua Illegal pays no taxes. Joshua now has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays medical and dental insurance with limited coverage for his family at $600 per month or
$7,200 per year. Joe how has $24,031.

Joshua Illegal has full medical and dental coverage through the state and local clinics at a cost of $0 per year.
Joshua still has $31,200.

Joe Legal makes too much money and is not eligible for food stamps or welfare. Joe Legal pays $500 per month for
Food or $6,000 per year. Joe Legal now has $18,031.

Joshua Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for food stamps and welfare. Joshua Illegal still has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays rent of $1,200 per month or $14,400 per year. Joe Legal now has $9,631.

Joshua Illegal receives a $500 per month federal rent subsidy. Joshua pays out that $500 per month or $6000 per year.
Joshua Illegal still has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays $200 per month or $2400 per year for insurance. Joe now has $7,231.

Joshua Illegal says, "WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN INSURANCE!" and still has $31,200

Joe Legal has to make his $7,231 stretch to pay utililities, gasoline, etc.

Joshua Illegal has to make his $31,200 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline and what he sends out of the country every month.

Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after work.

Joshua Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family.

Joe Legal's and Joshua Illegal's children both attend the same school. Joe Legal pays for his childrens lunches while
Joshua Illegal's children get a government sponsored lunch. Joshua Illegal's children have an after school ESL program.
Joe Legal's children go home.

Joe Legal and Joshua Illegal both enjoy the same police and fire services, but Joe paid for them and Joshua did not pay.

DO YOU GET IT NOW?

If you vote for or support ANY politician that supports illegal aliens, YOU are part of the problem!

It is way PAST time to make a stand for America and Americans! VOTE 'EM ALL OUT IN 2010.

Mean People Suck

I like to think that I am a nice person. That is not to say that I don't hiss when provoked, but I truly believe I am overall friendly. This leads my to my point; mean people suck.

I took the kids to the store after the park today. I wanted to pick up a few choice items and I tend to find good product for a very good price at Aldi, but Aldi is a different blog entirely. Very few people were there shopping, although a good samaritan did give me his cart for free and said, "Merry Christmas." Ironically enough, I was thinking about his generosity when I went into the store, and how we could all change the world one quarter at a time.

I finished picking out my loot and headed for the check-out. As earlier mentioned, I had both of my little ones with me which means the little bean was in the front of the cart. If you don't know how Aldi check-out works, I shall tell you. When they scan your groceries, they put them into a cart they already have waiting. Then, after you have finished checking out, you leave your cart behind for them to use for the next person and take the other cart with you.

I get in line, and the person in front of me finishes with her order. No one is behind me, and I have already almost completely emptied out my cart. All I have left is some cheese, lettuce and cereal, and she hasn't started my order yet, so I say to her:

Me: Do you think you could put the groceries in this cart so I don't have to move the baby?
Her: I should have ALREADY started your order...
Me: (confused) What's that?
Her: I SHOULD HAVE ALREADY started your ORDER!
Me: ....then go ahead, I guess.
Her: (rolls eyes and waits)

Right after that, she waited for me to unload my four groceries I had left, and let me push my cart up there for her to use. Now, I ask ya, how did being rude help that situation? If she was going to do it either way, what was the point of being a jackass? I am left puzzled and wondering if maybe she was just having a bad day. Maybe someone needs to offer her a free cart and teach her where being nice will get you. A little kindness will go a long way.

Think Happy Thoughts

I think I am getting a sinus infection. And just in time for my first bonfire of the season. People were going to be popping their lids, but now I am wondering if I will be well. I am going with the positive thinking cures method of healing.

I am excited to get our 'burn' on. It should be great fun, and I can't wait to eat s'mores. Yummalicious. Hopefully I will refrain from sitting in my wine, as this is a common occurrence during these types of shin-diggeries. It's those damn cup holders that are in the camping chairs. They move with the chair and then it's beverage overboard. It makes no sense to me. That, or they were designed for people with very small butts that would not disrupt the apparatus upon sitting...which means it was practically custom made for yours truly, right?

I purged my house today. Now, if I could just have a garage sale. It doesn't work out too well for me here since we live on a dead end road. Probably better than at my mom's, however. When I was younger my brother Jacob and I decided that we needed some money to buy candy. We hauled a bunch of our toys outside as well as a pitcher of lemonade. In case you don't know, my parents live on a dirt road in the middle of BFE. I think we averaged $.25/hour, and that was only because the mail lady felt bad for us sitting in the smoldering sun waiting for someone to have a need for Happy Meal toys. I mean, we couldn't sell the good stuff, you know? She gave us a dollar for a cup of lemonade. It was awesome.

Great to be Alive

Beautiful day, great to be alive. Luckily for Tim, it actually is. You see, I hate waking up in the morning. Well, actually, I hate waking up any time. I would just assume sleep all day. Every day. The only thing that I don't like about sleeping is that when you wake up, lots of time has passed. I was once told, "Get up! You can lay down when you're dead!" I try to remember this so that I don't wake up and realize that I am 90 and wonder where my life has gone. It's much more appealing, however, to use this phrase on others...especially when you want something.

Me: Come over!
Them: I am too tired.
Me: You are old.
Them: I am not old, but I am tired.
Me: You can lay down when you're dead.

See? I like to use it that way MUCH more than actually removing myself from the comfort of my own heated mattress a la fleece coziness.

My husband truly loathes getting me up in the morning. My mother has actually mastered it. Surprisingly it only took her about 22 years. The other day..

Tim: So what do I say to get you out of bed?
Me: I don't know, I don't like getting up.
Tim: I know, so what can I say to get you to do it?
Me: Just tell me it's time.
Tim: That doesn't work.
Me: I know.
Tim: Any other ideas?
Me: Well, I love to get up when it's really beautiful outside. Just say, "Honey, it's time to get up. It's a beautiful day. It's great to be alive!" This will remind me that I can "lay down when I'm dead".
Tim: Uh huh....

Next morning:

Tim: It's a beautiful day! It's great to be alive. It's time to get up!
Me: (Rolls over and looks out the window) No, it's not. It's snowing. Leave me alone and stop lying to me.

So much for that idea. It sounded like a good one when I was awake.

Spring has Sprung

Well, what's new since last time we met? Let's see...I did get my nose pierced. Somewhere between "don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me" and "I'm screaming on the inside and have a need for self expression", I decided that it sounded like a good idea. To answer your next question, yes, it hurt like a bitch. In fact, I almost knocked out the singing, dancing, flailing one who was standing right next to me. It was worth it. It's cute. I like it.

I was in an outrage on Saturday morning when I awoke to snow on the ground. I was like Sandy, the squirrel on SpongeBob, when she gets woken up in the middle of hibernation, minus the buckteeth and the fact that none of my friends live in pineapples. I was so angry. One of those, "I know I can't control it, and that just makes it worse" kind of angrys. The only saving grace was that the weather man claimed that it would be sunny again this week. For once, he was right. Thank you JESUS! Father, Son, Holy Spirit, Amen.

I did get a head start on my garden last week. Pulled some weeds, and cut back a few things that didn't get touched this past fall. Finding growth is like discovering a buried treasure! It was very rewarding.

I wish I had more to say. I am sure that something will come to me again soon. If it doesn't remind me, and I'll give you an update.

Here's to more coffee...cheers.

The Truth of the Matter

There is one particular person that I know who likes to meddle in my life, and the lives of others, for that matter. Now, I won't name your name, but hopefully by reading this you will get the hint and learn to mind your own business.

You see, this person likes to facebook stalk people and know what is going on in everyone's lives. I don't have a problem with it, except for the fact that soon after, rumors start being spread. Embellishments are made to each story which ultimately results in hurt feelings on the part of everyone but her.

I often wonder why she desires the have people only be friends with her, and not with each other. Obviously, this is the point of the whole thing. Unfortunately I was caught in the middle at one point and it got ugly. I was lucky enough to figure it out for myself, but I certainly could have done without the drama and lies.

To this I say, if you have reason to wonder if this is you or not - you probably aren't being true to your friends, and to me, that would mean not being true to yourself, or to God. Do not forget that word travels fast in a small community of moms. Very quickly.

A friend posted a quote the other day and I thought to myself, wow, she is very wise for her young age.

"Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back."

I am afraid to say that if you don't get a clue, you are going to be left with none.