It's a MUST read...

I received this via e-mail. Couldn't be more accurate.


There are two families: "Joe Legal and Joshua Illegal"
Both families have two parents, two children and live in Arizona.

Joe Legal works in construction, has a Social Security Number and makres $25 per hour with taxes deducted.

Joshua Illegal also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number, and gets paid $15 cash "under the table".

Ready? NOW PAY ATTENTION .


Joe Legal: $25 per hour x 40 hours = $1000 per week or $52,000 per year.
Now take 30% away for state and federal tax: Joe Legal now has $31,231

Joshua Illegal: $15 per hour x 40 hours = $600 per week or $31,200 per year.
Joshua Illegal pays no taxes. Joshua now has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays medical and dental insurance with limited coverage for his family at $600 per month or
$7,200 per year. Joe how has $24,031.

Joshua Illegal has full medical and dental coverage through the state and local clinics at a cost of $0 per year.
Joshua still has $31,200.

Joe Legal makes too much money and is not eligible for food stamps or welfare. Joe Legal pays $500 per month for
Food or $6,000 per year. Joe Legal now has $18,031.

Joshua Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for food stamps and welfare. Joshua Illegal still has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays rent of $1,200 per month or $14,400 per year. Joe Legal now has $9,631.

Joshua Illegal receives a $500 per month federal rent subsidy. Joshua pays out that $500 per month or $6000 per year.
Joshua Illegal still has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays $200 per month or $2400 per year for insurance. Joe now has $7,231.

Joshua Illegal says, "WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN INSURANCE!" and still has $31,200

Joe Legal has to make his $7,231 stretch to pay utililities, gasoline, etc.

Joshua Illegal has to make his $31,200 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline and what he sends out of the country every month.

Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after work.

Joshua Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family.

Joe Legal's and Joshua Illegal's children both attend the same school. Joe Legal pays for his childrens lunches while
Joshua Illegal's children get a government sponsored lunch. Joshua Illegal's children have an after school ESL program.
Joe Legal's children go home.

Joe Legal and Joshua Illegal both enjoy the same police and fire services, but Joe paid for them and Joshua did not pay.

DO YOU GET IT NOW?

If you vote for or support ANY politician that supports illegal aliens, YOU are part of the problem!

It is way PAST time to make a stand for America and Americans! VOTE 'EM ALL OUT IN 2010.

Mean People Suck

I like to think that I am a nice person. That is not to say that I don't hiss when provoked, but I truly believe I am overall friendly. This leads my to my point; mean people suck.

I took the kids to the store after the park today. I wanted to pick up a few choice items and I tend to find good product for a very good price at Aldi, but Aldi is a different blog entirely. Very few people were there shopping, although a good samaritan did give me his cart for free and said, "Merry Christmas." Ironically enough, I was thinking about his generosity when I went into the store, and how we could all change the world one quarter at a time.

I finished picking out my loot and headed for the check-out. As earlier mentioned, I had both of my little ones with me which means the little bean was in the front of the cart. If you don't know how Aldi check-out works, I shall tell you. When they scan your groceries, they put them into a cart they already have waiting. Then, after you have finished checking out, you leave your cart behind for them to use for the next person and take the other cart with you.

I get in line, and the person in front of me finishes with her order. No one is behind me, and I have already almost completely emptied out my cart. All I have left is some cheese, lettuce and cereal, and she hasn't started my order yet, so I say to her:

Me: Do you think you could put the groceries in this cart so I don't have to move the baby?
Her: I should have ALREADY started your order...
Me: (confused) What's that?
Her: I SHOULD HAVE ALREADY started your ORDER!
Me: ....then go ahead, I guess.
Her: (rolls eyes and waits)

Right after that, she waited for me to unload my four groceries I had left, and let me push my cart up there for her to use. Now, I ask ya, how did being rude help that situation? If she was going to do it either way, what was the point of being a jackass? I am left puzzled and wondering if maybe she was just having a bad day. Maybe someone needs to offer her a free cart and teach her where being nice will get you. A little kindness will go a long way.

Think Happy Thoughts

I think I am getting a sinus infection. And just in time for my first bonfire of the season. People were going to be popping their lids, but now I am wondering if I will be well. I am going with the positive thinking cures method of healing.

I am excited to get our 'burn' on. It should be great fun, and I can't wait to eat s'mores. Yummalicious. Hopefully I will refrain from sitting in my wine, as this is a common occurrence during these types of shin-diggeries. It's those damn cup holders that are in the camping chairs. They move with the chair and then it's beverage overboard. It makes no sense to me. That, or they were designed for people with very small butts that would not disrupt the apparatus upon sitting...which means it was practically custom made for yours truly, right?

I purged my house today. Now, if I could just have a garage sale. It doesn't work out too well for me here since we live on a dead end road. Probably better than at my mom's, however. When I was younger my brother Jacob and I decided that we needed some money to buy candy. We hauled a bunch of our toys outside as well as a pitcher of lemonade. In case you don't know, my parents live on a dirt road in the middle of BFE. I think we averaged $.25/hour, and that was only because the mail lady felt bad for us sitting in the smoldering sun waiting for someone to have a need for Happy Meal toys. I mean, we couldn't sell the good stuff, you know? She gave us a dollar for a cup of lemonade. It was awesome.

Great to be Alive

Beautiful day, great to be alive. Luckily for Tim, it actually is. You see, I hate waking up in the morning. Well, actually, I hate waking up any time. I would just assume sleep all day. Every day. The only thing that I don't like about sleeping is that when you wake up, lots of time has passed. I was once told, "Get up! You can lay down when you're dead!" I try to remember this so that I don't wake up and realize that I am 90 and wonder where my life has gone. It's much more appealing, however, to use this phrase on others...especially when you want something.

Me: Come over!
Them: I am too tired.
Me: You are old.
Them: I am not old, but I am tired.
Me: You can lay down when you're dead.

See? I like to use it that way MUCH more than actually removing myself from the comfort of my own heated mattress a la fleece coziness.

My husband truly loathes getting me up in the morning. My mother has actually mastered it. Surprisingly it only took her about 22 years. The other day..

Tim: So what do I say to get you out of bed?
Me: I don't know, I don't like getting up.
Tim: I know, so what can I say to get you to do it?
Me: Just tell me it's time.
Tim: That doesn't work.
Me: I know.
Tim: Any other ideas?
Me: Well, I love to get up when it's really beautiful outside. Just say, "Honey, it's time to get up. It's a beautiful day. It's great to be alive!" This will remind me that I can "lay down when I'm dead".
Tim: Uh huh....

Next morning:

Tim: It's a beautiful day! It's great to be alive. It's time to get up!
Me: (Rolls over and looks out the window) No, it's not. It's snowing. Leave me alone and stop lying to me.

So much for that idea. It sounded like a good one when I was awake.

Spring has Sprung

Well, what's new since last time we met? Let's see...I did get my nose pierced. Somewhere between "don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me" and "I'm screaming on the inside and have a need for self expression", I decided that it sounded like a good idea. To answer your next question, yes, it hurt like a bitch. In fact, I almost knocked out the singing, dancing, flailing one who was standing right next to me. It was worth it. It's cute. I like it.

I was in an outrage on Saturday morning when I awoke to snow on the ground. I was like Sandy, the squirrel on SpongeBob, when she gets woken up in the middle of hibernation, minus the buckteeth and the fact that none of my friends live in pineapples. I was so angry. One of those, "I know I can't control it, and that just makes it worse" kind of angrys. The only saving grace was that the weather man claimed that it would be sunny again this week. For once, he was right. Thank you JESUS! Father, Son, Holy Spirit, Amen.

I did get a head start on my garden last week. Pulled some weeds, and cut back a few things that didn't get touched this past fall. Finding growth is like discovering a buried treasure! It was very rewarding.

I wish I had more to say. I am sure that something will come to me again soon. If it doesn't remind me, and I'll give you an update.

Here's to more coffee...cheers.

The Truth of the Matter

There is one particular person that I know who likes to meddle in my life, and the lives of others, for that matter. Now, I won't name your name, but hopefully by reading this you will get the hint and learn to mind your own business.

You see, this person likes to facebook stalk people and know what is going on in everyone's lives. I don't have a problem with it, except for the fact that soon after, rumors start being spread. Embellishments are made to each story which ultimately results in hurt feelings on the part of everyone but her.

I often wonder why she desires the have people only be friends with her, and not with each other. Obviously, this is the point of the whole thing. Unfortunately I was caught in the middle at one point and it got ugly. I was lucky enough to figure it out for myself, but I certainly could have done without the drama and lies.

To this I say, if you have reason to wonder if this is you or not - you probably aren't being true to your friends, and to me, that would mean not being true to yourself, or to God. Do not forget that word travels fast in a small community of moms. Very quickly.

A friend posted a quote the other day and I thought to myself, wow, she is very wise for her young age.

"Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back."

I am afraid to say that if you don't get a clue, you are going to be left with none.

Life Suckers

If you don't know what a life sucker is, let me just tell you, you don't want to be one. Life suckers (and I am sure that you all have one or two or more) are the people in your life that want to be your friends but that complain all of the time. They also like to feed off of your positive energy without any desire to be positive themselves. It is so incredibly draining that in most cases, I have to end up 'divorcing' them, as I call it. I am a generally happy person, and I like my life. To these people I say "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade; If you aren't going to make any, please quit drinking mine."

Now, there is a difference between life suckers and friends that come to you for emotional support when they need it. We all have our fair share of bad days and need a shoulder to cry on. I am happy to be that shoulder. The idea is, however, that you eventually overcome the hardship and return to being a normal person in real life once again again. These people, these life suckers, they never return to reality. They are waiting for the mother ship to come for them. Or maybe I am just waiting for the mother ship to come get them. Why would they want to leave when they are drinking large glasses of lemony encouragement for free? Either way, I wish they would all get a one way ticket back to planet crazy.

Bejeweled Blitz - 101

Okay, so I do get a ridiculously high score, however, I do not cheat. I decided to write this so you can know my secrets, and in turn, get a really high score as well. It works out well for both of us because I get some great competition and you get to stop being pissed and nearly deleting me from your friends list just so that I am no longer beating you. Here goes.

1. Make sure you start before he says "go". At the beginning of the game, when it loads, you can actually start before the actual start. This gives you a few extra seconds and since this is a timed game, a few extra seconds means a lot of points. When you make one single move that breaks 12 or more jewels, this is when you get a multiplier. This brings me to my next thing...

2. Play from the bottom. When you play from the bottom, more sequences will fall into place, resulting in more multipliers.

3. Multipliers. The most important part of the game. This is where the points are. Break the multipliers as soon as you can. This is the ticket to a really high score, not to mention, on the new BB, you get coins for each multiplier that you have broken.

4. Speed. You get bonus points for speed. Making special gems is important as well, but I personally feel that speed outranks that. You will start to hear a crackling fire when you are getting a lot of combos in a row. Continue quickly and the board will turn orange. For a limited time, when it is orange, every combo you make will explode like a special gem. This is a great time to make multipliers, so again, make sure to look for combos and the bottom.

5. Hypercubes. try to use them on a color that has a lot of special jewels, or use them on the color of a multiplier if you have one. Again, multipliers are KEY.

6. The new BB has 'boosts' and the ones I use are the three on the right. Scrambler, +5 Seconds, and Free Multiplier. Once you get 16,000 coins, you can use all three. Save up and use them all three at once.

7. The sounds is designed to stress you, so turn down the volume. This may help.

Lucky you, the scores reset today, as it is Tuesday. This means that my 570,000+ will be gone and you will have a chance to rule the leader board. Cheers!

The Trainer

We had a trainer come in and help us learn to train the dog. We liked her very much. She was extremely nice and helpful and knowledgeable. But I shit you not, this is what she told us. I couldn't resist.

Trainer: You know, it's important not to give your dogs people food. They do not need fruits and veggies as some people think.
Us: Okay
Trainer: After all, dogs are carnivals and don't need that stuff like we do.


Nuff said.

Getting a Dog

This one goes out to Jeanne. The begging. The pleading. Here it is.

So, we have recently decided to get a dog. And honestly, if I have to hear one more time, "you don't need a dog," from anyone unsolicited, I may flip my gizzard. Guess what...I am not asking YOU to get a dog. I am not asking you to move in and take CARE of my dog. I am not asking you to walk the dog, or do ANYTHING with the dog. I am not, in fact, even asking you to LIVE here with the dog. Therefore, how about if you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say anything at all.

Now, there are a choice few of you that I have talked with personally, and asked for an opinion. That, to me, is different. If I specifically ask you what you think, then please tell me. Otherwise, please realize that you are not my parent, and that I am grown ass woman who can figure out what is right for her family. I am still constantly treated as though I am a 2 year old asking for a pony, and then getting the response of, "Well, you know that is a lot of responsibility..." Really? I figured I would just throw the dog in a cage for life and slap it around a little if it acts up.

It is actually to the point where I leave myself thinking, "Oh my gosh, am I not competent enough to take care of a dog? Is it too insanely hard that I can't handle it?" Recently I told a good friend that people think I am making a "RASH DECISION!" to which she replied, "What?! A rash decision?! You are just getting a dog! Clearly you are raising two children and you can handle a dog." That is what I thought, but other events are starting to make me believe that others view me as an invalid.

Either way, we are getting a dog. We have a few that we are going to see and see how they act with the kids. And don't worry, I won't be bringing our dog to your house any time soon, so now you can rest easy.

Seriously?

Let me tell you about one thing that I hate. I hate when you go to a store, or a bank, or anywhere, and there are two lines of people waiting for service. You pull up (or walk up) and both lines have one person in them. You choose a line, which undoubtedly will have a woman in it with two thousand coupons, a price check and a carton of broken eggs. As you are standing there, someone comes up and gets in the other line. Now, even though you have been standing there for (possibly) a lot longer than they have, they are served first because the person in front of them finishes first. In fact, they are out the door and you are still standing there waiting on the clearance item and a new carton of farm fresh.

For this scenario, I have a solution. Although there are two cashiers, form one line and when a cashier is free, the next person goes. Fair for all, right? Now, it is a little different when there are 3.6 million people waiting for service, but in the case of a Walgreens at 9pm, you would thing it would be the perfect way to achieve fairness!

So, I get my laundry detergent and head to the checkout. Two lines - one person in each. I hang back, because I am the only person waiting, and I figure whichever one opens up first, I will go to. A woman walks up behind me.

Her: Are you waiting in line?
Me: Yeah, I was just waiting for whichever one is done first.
Her: ::rolls eyes:: ::stands there, hand on hip:: ::waits...::
Her: ::sighs and chooses a line, which, of course, ended up being the shorter of the two.::

Nice, and nice. That's all I can say.

Groundhog Day

Oh...hello long week. Isn't it so weird how the days pass by so slowly, but the months pass by so quickly? I think I'll get out my Halloween decor now since I am going to blink and it will be here. I know it wouldn't shock anyone if I actually did. You are talking to the woman who just took her Christmas tree down last week. Tim is right. It kinda takes the fun out of the festivities when, instead of hauling in a freshly chopped down tree, you are getting into the spirit of the season by assembling and fluffing artificial pine needles. Painless, however, but still not overly exciting in the Christmas cheer department.

Not too much on the list of crazies today. I have been hanging in my abode gathering an abundance of cabin fever. I'm really hoping that Spring comes soon. When the hell is groundhog day anyway? And can we just cut the bullshit, and hide the damn shadow? We can send a man to the moon (or at least pretend to), but we can't hide a shadow from a groundhog? We've got issues.

As for the tanner, I am enjoying it, other than the encounter I had on Tuesday night. Hello, lobster legs! The girl told me to try this new bed, but put me in it too long. I fried like a ...whatever fries a lot. I'm out of wit for the day. Come back tomorrow. It's laundry time.

Texting While Driving

I feel really strongly about this, so I figured it was worth dedicating a blog to.

If you are a texter, most likely you text while you drive. Even with your kids in the car. I did. I did for a long time, even though I knew it was dangerous. We live in a society where our lack of time management results in unnecessary, and sometimes dangerous, multi-tasking.

Now, I know a lot of you will read this, and you will think to yourself (as I did) that I am stupid for even posting this and that you don't need to worry because you are a 'great texter'. But I hope that you watch the video below with an open heart. It is not about you. If you want to get in an accident because of your own stupidity, that is totally your call, however it is about the other people you are going to kill, and the families you are going to hurt while you selfishly continue to pay attention to your cell phone instead of the road. And it does happen.

When we went to Tim's annual training for work is when I realized that something needed to change. I would text every time I was in the car, even when my kids were there. The commander showed this video, and I haven't done it since. If this makes even one of you stop and think about what you're doing, then I have accomplished my goal. Please watch the video.

This video is being used in the UK as a public service announcement. It is graphic, but well worth watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVQg8h_JmkY

A Dick and Jane Adventure

I had to write about this for you to enjoy. Some of you have heard this story, but it's a good one that others won't want to miss out on. I am reminded of it because this particular friend is still trying to score a relationship with this other particular woman. We'll call them Dick and Jane.

I have a great friend from high school that I talk to once in a while. His name is Dick. He has a hard time getting women, but there is one that he is interested in that we also went to school with. She is the queen of mixed signals, but that is neither here nor there. He's not exactly a charmer, which results in awkward silences and strange looks, and needless to say, no second dates.

It was around Christmas last year when he asked her out on a date. He went and picked her up, and she was wearing heels.

Jane: What are we going to do tonight? I want to wear proper footwear.
Dick: I thought we might go walk around Bronson park.
Jane: Oh, okay, I'll get some other shoes.
Dick: You should be okay.
Jane: What if I slip and fall?
Dick: Don't worry. I'll catch you...I'm really strong. I can practically bench about 600 lbs.
Jane: :::looks at him and says nothing:::

L M A O. I almost died when I heard this. Seriously? I'm really strong? He may as well have said, "listen, ya fat fatty, don't squash me on your way down." I asked him, "are you serious?! You really said this?! You can't bench that much! Or even close to it. What did she say?!"

His response?

"I don't think she gets my humor."

English for Dummies

I actually had a different post idea ready for today, but when this happened last night, I knew it had to be written about ASAP, as I know it will be enjoyable for all.

I got a chance to go to the tanner last night. When I first went in, I was talking to the girl about different kinds of beds. At this point, you can practically be microwaved for two seconds and DING! You're done. For me, this defeats the purpose because I like to be in the light. Either way...it's here nor there.

So I am talking to her about her super-deluxe-microwaver and the extra-super-fanciful-bronzing-devices and asked her what the difference was in the beds, other than $30 to upgrade. This folks, and I quote, is exactly what she said.

Me: So what is the actual difference in the beds?
Her: Well, this one has more UVB rayses than the other one.

Yes, that is right. Apparently "rayses" is the pluralized form of ray. I kinda cocked my head and looked at her, as if to say...hum-a-nuh-huh?

Her: Yeah, each of the beds has different amounts of rayses. Like this one has more UVA rayses, and the other one has more UVB rayses because one is used for burning and one is used for bronzing. So, when you change the amount of rayses...

She just kept saying it. And all I could think to myself is...you've just made the blog. Not to mention the fact that she had previously informed me that she had been in tanning for five years. Really? For five years, every client that has asked you about the beds has been told about the rayses?

As a side note, I would also like to talk briefly about the general public getting an English lesson.

"Your going too walk threw there door." (If you don't understand what is wrong with this sentence, clearly you are one of the ones who needs to get an "English for Dummies" book.)

That looks like something I would find on many of my friends facebook pages. So, if this is you, I am sorry. But it annoys me. I can't stand it. Honestly, did you just not pay attention in school? That is something you learn in like...grade school, right? How do you not know the difference between to and too? How do you not know the difference between then and than? How do you not know the difference between through and threw? Seriously? Is this a joke? It's petty, I know. But we really need to start correcting people. My friend told me that it's the only way people are going to learn, and I think she's right. I said, "I don't want to embarrass them," and she said "Yeah, but it will be enough to make them remember." So true, and let's face it, the most important thing is for people to stop annoying me, right?

Good news is, it gave me something to blog about today, and something for you to enjoy. So, Miss Tanning Manager...if you are reading this, take an English course...and pay attention.

Is it Spring yet?

g'morning. I am having stress over this house. It is a mess. It is a Christmas mess, and it is a regular mess. I can't seem to shake the Christmasness from it. Maybe taking down the tree would help, but that sounds like a lot of work. Maybe tomorrow.

Tim finally did do this 'chores' this morning, after three days of not emptying the dishwasher. You see, the first two days, I was understanding and I just emptied it for him. Yesterday I woke up to a shit-ton of dishes in the sink and...you guessed it! A FULL dishwasher! Now, I don't mind loading up an already emptied dishwasher, but I'm not doing both. I already re-folded three mile-high stacks of t-shirts and did four loads of laundry (and folded it!) yesterday. So I just let them sit there. And sit there. And sit there. Until we were nearly out of clean dishes. In fact, they were covering the counters. When he got home, to his surprise, his chores weren't done for him. I then informed him that I would NOT be doing those dishes, and that if they didn't get done by him, and I ran out of dishes...there would be no dinner. How can I make dinner in dirty pans? Needless to say, he was extremely grumpy this morning because he had 'things to do' but the dishes did get done. Guess he should have thought about that the three previous days when he decided to sleep in that extra hour.

I didn't get a chance to go tan last night and see the wanna-be-bahama-bitches, but it worked out okay because I got my groceries for the week. We are starting the Game On! Diet again, and I'm stoked. Well, not really. At the moment I am drowning in water and wishing for a bagel. I am mostly just stoked for losing weight. Can I get a fast forward to four weeks from now, please?

Vitamin D

I am not getting enough vitamin D. I am grouchy and the world is gloomy, and I don't feel like having sex, so I have my husband constantly humping me. Literally, I will be making breakfast and he just walks up and starts humping my butt, or my leg. Don't lie, you know this happens to you too. They are animals. Literally. But it annoys me either way. The humping and wiener shaking, and examining themselves in the mirror...let's face it, they are worse than women.

So anyway, I started going to the tanner. I know there are mixed review on whether or not you are getting enough vitamin D from the tanner to make you feel better, but whatever the answer is, it makes me feel better, which is all that really matters.

For a few days I called around to find out which salon I wanted to go to. Why is it that nearly ever person at every tanning salon is a total bitch? Especially on the phone. Wake up, honey. We aren't actually living in California, contrary to what you and your 12 inch waist may think when you are laying your tiny bronzed ass in the tanning bed for 20 minutes a day. Get over yourself and come back to reality. You are no better than I am, living in this God-forsaken state of depression and snow. And snow, and snow and snow. If you want to act like you live in Hollywood, maybe you should move right out there. I am sure they would be happy to have you. Maybe next time I should say that.

You can't fix stupid...

Extra, extra, read all about it. I am starting a new blog. This one isn't for the faint of heart. Yes, that's right, you may be talked about right in front of your very own face. It's all in good humor, but I love nothing more than sharing the ins and outs of my life full of crazies, run-ins with people that make you want to shoot yourself, and my favorite - dumb people. One thing I know for sure - you can't fix stupid. And boy, am I glad, because it sure would take a lot of the humor out of life.

It's a toss up. I could end up with a lot of loving readers who are secretly thinking the things I am writing and are too scared to say them, or I may end up with no readers at all.

One of my favorite things that anyone ever told me was this. "I'm trying this new thing...it's called not biting my tongue." -Amy Swager

So here's to your morning cup. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I KNOW that I will enjoy writing it. Cheers!