Vitamin D

I am not getting enough vitamin D. I am grouchy and the world is gloomy, and I don't feel like having sex, so I have my husband constantly humping me. Literally, I will be making breakfast and he just walks up and starts humping my butt, or my leg. Don't lie, you know this happens to you too. They are animals. Literally. But it annoys me either way. The humping and wiener shaking, and examining themselves in the mirror...let's face it, they are worse than women.

So anyway, I started going to the tanner. I know there are mixed review on whether or not you are getting enough vitamin D from the tanner to make you feel better, but whatever the answer is, it makes me feel better, which is all that really matters.

For a few days I called around to find out which salon I wanted to go to. Why is it that nearly ever person at every tanning salon is a total bitch? Especially on the phone. Wake up, honey. We aren't actually living in California, contrary to what you and your 12 inch waist may think when you are laying your tiny bronzed ass in the tanning bed for 20 minutes a day. Get over yourself and come back to reality. You are no better than I am, living in this God-forsaken state of depression and snow. And snow, and snow and snow. If you want to act like you live in Hollywood, maybe you should move right out there. I am sure they would be happy to have you. Maybe next time I should say that.